Monday, September 24, 2007

Tough Times

Everybody has tough times. Depending on how you look at things, some things are tougher than others.

These last almost 2 months now have been extremely difficult on Tracey and I, on our family, on our friends and on little Colby and Avery. In sharing our story my eyes have been opened to a couple things. Number one, we're not alone. I can't tell you how many e-mails I get from other people going through hard times. A couple just lost their twins this past week. Another woman has been trying to get pregnant, is now pregnant and just had a miscarriage this weekend. Another friend has been trying to get pregnant, is finally pregnant but just learned she needs to have surgery to have her gal bladder out which could jeopardize the pregnancy. So what to make of all of this? I don't know really. Sometimes there doesn't seem to be any rationale as to why things happen to people. So don't bother trying to figure it out. Just deal with it as best you can and move on.

Secondly, you can deal with bad situations in many different ways. Alone our story is just a sad one. Tracey and I do our best to keep our chins up and make something good of our situation. I wonder sometimes if I take things too lightly. When I see people I'm relatively upbeat. I see other babies and am so happy. I love to hear about how our friends who are pregnant are doing. I see pregnant people and talk their ear off about pregnancy, babies, etc. In general, I'm dong OK. Shouldn't I be sad? Well....I cried on the way to an appointment this morning. I cried again on the way back. I cried when I got off the phone today and learned that my son's head has grown again. So I'm as upset as the next person. It's all in how you look at things I guess.

I hope that anyone following Colby and Avery's story takes away an appreciation of life and the hope that if they find themselves in a tough time, that they know tomorrow will be a brighter day. Take time to notice the good things, the things you DO have, not just what you don't. In the worst of times finding something to smile about is the best medicine. All this doesn't make things easier, but sometimes it makes it easier to get through them.

As you may have caught from up above, Colby's head is again a bit larger today. That's three days in a row now. Tracey talked with the doctor and found hope that this is probably not a result of a worsening brain bleed. So that's what we hold on to for today until the Ultrasounds come back. That will confirm that his brain bleed is still ok. He is off the ventilator today and hopefully will stay off this time. He's also continueing his feeds and hopefully the doctors will up that again.

I need to head off and give a presentation at 3:30. So I'm going to make the best of the trip, open the sunroof and listen to some Dave (those who know me see that this is an obvious reference to Dave Matthews). I'm heading to the hospital after the presentation and I'll do my best to take some pictures of our little boy. You should see them posted this evening.

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

Hi Scott.. It's very hard not to become bitter a little bit. You watch the maury show with the paternity tests, and nobody wants to be the father. I work in the mall and I would see how some people treat their children, yelling, hitting etc. Ben and I were ttc for 2 1/2 yrs after we had Aubrie. We thought it would be simple after having the first but it wasnt. I was on clomid for 2 1/2yrs, which made me crazy with my mood swings. I had to go to uconn every 3 days to check my LH surge, I felt like a heroin addict with all the marks on my arm. I had to give myself the hcg injection, not fun.. I had 2 IUI's my last one was on sept 11th as it was happening.. I did not get pregnant. I stopped everything, all the drugs, I told Dr. Nulsen I wouldn't be back. I cried and said "God, if it's meant to be, I'll leave it up to you.." That was in October. I got pregnant in January. After all that how could it have been so easy, I can't explain it. I had a third child four months ago, he was a surprise. There is no rationale in life I suppose, but I think praying and believing sure does help alot. He answered my prayers for another child, twice.. I will be praying for Colby now, and you and Tracey.