Sunday, September 23, 2007

Mixed news this morning

I called the NICU this morning as we usually do to check on Colby. There was a lot of good news. They continue to up his feedings. Now he's getting 1 cc of breast milk every hour (up from 1/2 cc). They continue to ween him from his ventilator by lowering the oxygen levels and the pressure of the breaths the machine gives him. However, his head has gotten larger for two days now. Yesterday, it grew 1/2 a centimeter and today yet another 1/4 centimeter larger. Those number sound so small but Colby is tiny to begin with.
Tracey and I are somewhat numb. We want so badly to keep hoping that this is nothing to worry about. Or that this is something that may subside. But we're very scared because this is the route Avery took. And even if things level out for Colby, it could mean shunts and long term issues.
We want to speak with the doctor (when we call we get a nurse and they can't do much but recite data. They can't offer any opinion or outlook of what may come). Hopefully when we're in the hospital today the doctor will be able to offer us some hope. Colby will get another ultrasound tomorrow or Tuesday and that should shed some light onto what is going on inside him.
I'm finding Colby's situation a little more difficult to deal with. Maybe it's because the recent loss of Avery. Maybe it's because he's my little boy and I want so badly to teach him all the "fatherly things". Maybe it's because he looks so well and the thought of him deteriorating just kills me. I'm not sure.
We've come a far way. Four years of trying to get pregnant. Surgeries for both Tracey and I. Countless doctor visits and attempts to get pregnant. Then Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome once Tracey got pregnant which made her belly swell in a matter of a week as if she was 6 months pregnant. Next being hospitalized at 22 weeks pregnant and going through all kinds of treatments to keep labor a bay. Colby and Avery came and it was a daily roller coaster ride. Then we loose Avery. A good couple days from Colby and now this. You have to think that our luck needs to change for the better at some point.
Just as the e-mails used to serve as my outlet, so now does the blog. And after stating all of this, there is still much to be positive about. There's still hope that Colby will get better. Tracey and I are relatively young and no matter what our outcome, we've talked about expanding our family in the years to come. I have a wonderful stepson. A fantastic family. We've worked very hard to get many things in our life to where they are today and we are extremely thankful for all of them. Most of all we have each other. Together Tracey and I can get through anything. It's just this one detail of having a healthy baby that for some reason just gives us quite a bit of trouble.

4 comments:

Amanda said...

Revel in your strenght!

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Lorna said...

Scott and Tracey, I am hoping with everything I have that Colby is on the road to a full, happy life. But, it certainly does make you want to yell out loud, "Enough already, enough." Give it a try, nobody will think your crazy. Take care.

Tina said...

Scott and Tracey, you share each other's love along with all of your family and friends. Be brave and keep hoping for the best. Colby will pull through and will have a happy life. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Linda said...

Scott and Tracey,

Please know that you two and Colby are in my thoughts and prayers.
May you each find the strength within each other to get thru this tough time.

hugs,
Linda